Most Shrinks are Crazy Too – The Self-Help Chapter

I’m really the last person you should look to for psychological guidance or insights.

However, I’m still here. I suppose that’s the primary reason I feel compelled to include a self-help chapter in the book. In spite of my bipolar disorder, social anxiety, past adversities, inability to function in normal workplaces, and everything else, I’ve somehow managed to stay employed and reasonably sane.

Feel free to skip this chapter and move ahead to the finale.

Also, over the last decade or so, I’ve read over 100 self-help books. Most of them were shit. But through my reading and experiences, I’ve discovered a number of strategies that have helped me survive, not necessarily thrive, as I’ve navigated my personal challenges.

I am, for the most part, someone who’s impervious to self-improvement tactics and advice. The most beguiling and talented motivational speakers on earth aggravate rather than inspire me. Few if any life coaches or “gurus” would take me on as a client.

All that said, these five sanity-maintenance strategies have genuinely helped me.

I dedicated this book to anyone and everyone who’s struggling with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, et. al. If this chapter can help one struggling person, it’s worth including in the book. The list begins now.

My Top Five Sanity-Maintenance Tips

1. Get Action

Former US President Teddy Roosevelt struggled with severe depression throughout his life.. According to Kay Redfield Jameson, a renowned expert on bipolar disorder, Roosevelt was “Hypomanic on a mild day.” Both his brother and son committed suicide. The president’s constant pursuit of “action” helped him manage his depression and avoid a similar fate.

Known for his boundless energy and commitment to living a “strenuous life,” Roosevelt was extremely productive and adventurous. He wrote forty books and read at least one book per day.

After two eventful terms as president, Roosevelt traveled to Africa for a big-game hunting expedition that lasted for nearly a year.

In 1913, at the age of fifty-five, he embarked on his most perilous odyssey: a two-month canoe trip down the River of Duda (River of Doubt), an uncharted tributary of the Amazon. He almost died on that journey and lost nearly a quarter of his body weight. The Duda was eventually renamed in his honor. Today, it’s known as Roosevelt River.

A fitness fanatic, Roosevelt enjoyed vigorous and regular exercise sessions. Some of his favorite activities included swimming, horseback riding, climbing, and weightlifting. He loved violent sports too. As president, he participated in boxing matches at the White House, where he’d regularly challenge his competitors to hit him in the face as hard as they possibly could. He reportedly suffered multiple concussions.

Roosevelt was insane. But he led a remarkably productive life and died of natural causes at the age of sixty, unlike his son, brother, and many others in his family who died by suicide. Bipolar disorder was the Roosevelt “family curse.” Because Teddy stayed in motion — constant motion — he was able to channel his energy, quell his depressive tendencies, and become one of the most significant figures in American history.

I’m not advising anyone to pick fistfights or navigate uncharted river tributaries of the Amazon. Rather than seeking action of the extreme and insane variety like Roosevelt did throughout his life, we can simply aim to become more active.

When I started running at the age of thirty, my mental health improved dramatically. My insomnia flare-ups became less frequent. According to the Mayo Clinic, regular exercise has at least seven benefits. It boosts your mood and energy levels, combats disease, helps regulate your metabolism, promotes quality sleep, enhances your ability to “perform,” and more.

Almost 80 percent of adults don’t exercise enough, according to a 2018 government study. The CDC recommends adults get a minimum of 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise per week, 1 hour and 15 minutes of vigorous exercise, or a combination of both.

I didn’t expect to like running but found it to be both therapeutic and energizing. My advice to those of you who are inactive or rarely exercise, for what it’s worth, is pick a physical activity (or several activities) that you can tolerate and to commence a fitness routine.

Here’s the quote from Teddy that inspired this section and may inspire you on your fitness journey: “Get action. Do things; be sane; don’t fritter away your time; create, act, take a place wherever you are and be somebody; get action.”

2. Reconnect

In Lost Connections, the author lists nine primary causes of depression. He contends that most people don’t become depressed due to a “mental illness,” but rather because they have unmet needs or unaddressed traumas. In this section, I’ll also discuss the various “prescriptions” the author presents as natural remedies for depression.

First, let’s review the nine possible causes of depression (again, I’m paraphrasing):

You have a shitty, unrewarding, or menial job – Maybe you’re a minimum-wage security guard like I was. If you don’t feel like your work matters, there’s a good chance you’ll experience depression.
You have a few if any meaningful relationships – Humans are social animals, not unlike our ape relatives. I mean, I’m not so much a social animal. But even misfits like me need a certain amount of human connection, otherwise we get lonely and despondent.
You have materialistic values, not healthy values – Most of us are driven by extrinsic motives and constantly seek rewards from our actions, such as money, possessions, likes on Facebook, or admiration from pretty nurses with burly, bearded boyfriends who want nothing to do with us. Individuals with intrinsic motivations, who do things because they enjoy them or find them fulfilling, are much happier than the materialistic majority of people.
There’s something from your childhood that you need to address – My mom never recovered from her horrific childhood. I still have scars from my formative years as well. If we don’t come to terms with our childhood traumas, we’re unlikely to be happy or productive as adults.
Like Rodney Dangerfield, you get no respect – People at the bottom of any hierarchy, whether it’s in a workplace, school, or other setting, often feel disrespected, vulnerable, and once again, depressed.
You’ve lost touch with nature – We’re all residents on the Milky Way’s most stunning piece of real estate, with an abundance of awe-inspiring attractions that are free and open for your viewing pleasure, 24/7. You shouldn’t have to travel far to see something beautiful that lifts your spirits, at least temporarily.
Like my father, you have no hope for the future – I’m still trying to help my father and to restore a sense of hope and optimism in him. To quote Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
Depression runs in your family – Johan acknowledges that genetics play a role in the puzzle (his ninth cause is also related to genetics).

On Reconnecting

I was inspired but somewhat overwhelmed when I finished reading Lost Connections. I was profoundly disconnected from meaningful relationships, work, and in every other conceivable way.

My social life was in ruins. Rebuilding it would have been an enormous, multi-year project. That’s why I reconnected with the natural world first. I took my day trip to Coupeville, WA after reading the book. In an effort to reconnect with others, I invited Louise and Amelia to join me. My “Bipolar Express” tour of the southwest was also an attempt to befriend mother earth and suckle on some of her most beautiful features.

Most of the depression “prescriptions” Johan offers in Lost Connections are of the social variety. Once we start to cultivate meaningful relationships, our self-worth increases and we begin to
have hope for the future again.

Amelia made approximately ten of her thirty low-maintenance dude friends in a local adventure club. Volunteering is another great way to connect with like-minded people. You could take a class, join a team, or look to build on relationships within your network. I gifted Lost Connections to Phoenix and several other people. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

3. Disconnect (Your Devices)

Smartphones have revolutionized how we access information and communicate with each other. They’re immensely powerful pocket-sized computers.

Although Steve Jobs didn’t invent the smartphone, he was a driving force in popularizing the device. Interestingly, Jobs limited screen time for his kids, as did Microsoft founder Bill Gates. Jobs famously even prohibited his children from using the i-Pad when it was first released. He understood that the new technology could be harmful if it wasn’t used responsibly.

Today, a significant percentage of smartphone users are addicted to their devices. As a result, many of those users are becoming anxious and depressed. Here are few shocking statistics on cell-phone addiction.

54% of young adults report checking their phones “constantly” throughout the day.
60% of U.S. college students consider themselves full-blown cell-phone “addicts.”
44% of 18-24 year olds have fallen asleep with their electronic mistresses in hand.
Almost 40% of people never disconnect their devices.

Studies have shown that there is a link between cell-phone addiction and depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues; however, that connection isn’t fully understood yet because the technology is still relatively new.

I’m not advising you to smash your cell phone to smithereens or disconnect entirely. But the average adult spends nearly three hours per day on their smartphone. That seems excessive to me.

Since I entered the social-media matrix a few years ago, I’ve been pretty good about setting rules for myself and limiting my time on sites like Facebook and Twitter. I try not to check my feeds more than twice per day. Occasionally, because I’m prone to compulsive behavior and neurotic, I need to be extra strict with myself.

If I find I’m obsessively checking an app, I delete it temporarily. Facebook and Twitter work perfectly fine on Chrome and most other internet browsers. As I finalized the first draft of this book, I deactivated my accounts for several weeks to avoid distractions. Free productivity apps are available that can block your access to websites and other time-wasting apps at specified times.

Cell phones are also known to disrupt sleep patterns. They suppress melatonin, the hormone that regulates the sleep-wake cycle, and stimulate rather than relax your brain. Most sleep experts advise their patients to turn off their devices at least thirty minutes before they go to bed.

A cell phone addiction isn’t like a cigarette or drug addiction. You don’t need to quit your device in order to be healthy. Simply “cutting back” on your cell phone use may help reduce your depression and anxiety levels, while improving your quality of sleep at the same time.

4. Therapy Might Help

Even though I prefer to avoid using medications if possible and believe depression is overdiagnosed, I’m not anti-big pharma, nor am I anti-psychiatry like Tom Cruise. I believe shrinks, counselors, and medications all play pivotal roles in the treatment of depression and save countless lives each and every year.

When I was on antidepressants, a general practitioner prescribed my medications and monitored my progress. He didn’t know much more about depression or mental health than I did, and as a result, my condition was poorly managed. I needed to be on medication for a while, but I didn’t need to be on it for five years.

The more mental health disorders a person has “stacked” on top of each other, the more likely they are to benefit from medication. That’s my opinion anyway. The cult of scientology and perhaps would disagree with me. My friend Phoenix has PTSD, depression, anxiety, and ADHD. In her case, social “prescriptions” alone haven’t sufficiently relieved her conditions and medications have been helpful to her.

The average psychiatrist knows exponentially more about anti-depressants and all other psyche drugs than the average general practitioner. If it had been an option to me at the time, I would have had a psychiatrist monitor my mental-health prescriptions instead of my regular doctor.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, whether under the supervision of a mental-health professional or using a workbook of your own, can also be effective. In cognitive behavioral therapy, patients work to identify and correct cognitive “distortions,” which are deconstructive and inaccurate thoughts that create negative behavior patterns. I’m prone to all-or-nothing thinking, as I mentioned in my first letter to Amelia. That’s a cognitive distortion.

There are fourteen other cognitive distortions. Some people jump to conclusions and make assumptions based on incomplete or faulty information. Others “filter” their opinions or beliefs and see only the negative aspects of situations. There are also catastrophization, labeling, and fairness fallacies, among others.

We all have “automatic thoughts” throughout the day. Using cognitive behavior therapy, we can “talk back” to our negative thoughts and work toward eliminating them. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns was the first and best of the books I’ve read on the subject.

Most mental-health professionals use cognitive behavioral therapy in their practices. So if you’re looking for extra support or for someone to hold you accountable as you work to change your behavior patterns, seeing a therapist could be helpful.

5. Keep Learning New Things

Research has shown that learning a new skill stimulates the formation of neural pathways. It activates dopamine, the feel-good hormone, and can enhance both your mood and your overall quality of life. Seniors are often encouraged to take classes and pursue new hobbies. By staying mentally active and engaged, they can protect their brains against aging and even potentially reduce their risk of developing dementia.

Amelia was always pursuing new creative outlets and hobbies. She sailed and scuba dived, took design courses, photography courses, and belonged to multiple clubs. She’s one of the happiest and most successful people I’ve ever met. As I said in my doomed letter to her, I noticed improvements in my self-esteem and mood when I taught myself how to sing.

Bonus Tips and Closing Thoughts

Mindfulness — staying in the moment and accepting, without judgment, my thoughts and feelings — was another therapeutic technique I found helpful for a while. 10% Happier by Dan Harris is the best introductory book to meditation I’ve read; it almost converted me from a meditation skeptic into a believer. One of the nurses at the hospital attributed her professional and professional successes to her daily gratitude journal.

Sex is a powerful antidepressant too. I’m sure I’d be happier if I had it more frequently. There was a scene in Sideways where Jack, played by Thomas Hayden Church, advises his neurotic friend Miles to forgo his Xanax and therapy sessions and have someone “work on his joint” instead. It’s crude advice but not necessarily bad advice.

One more time, for what it’s worth, here are my top five sanity-maintenance tips for neurotics and lunatics like me:

Stay active
Reconnect with nature
Reconnect with other people
Limit you use of technology
And continue to learn new things

That concludes my self-help chapter. Again, I’m the last person on earth you should be seeking advice from, but if I helped one person, then this chapter was a success.

PS. You can visit the Lovesong.blog homepage to view my latest posts and find out what I’m up to now, post-book.