I was in the market for a new psychiatrist.

And my weekly therapist, Shannon, had a recommendation for me: Dr. Gillis, who was based in my home state of Florida.

Dr. Gillis was an MD rather than a DO—like my previous psychiatrist—and had an impressive resume, with a variety of peer-reviewed articles to her credit, management experience at major hospitals, and an abundance of other accolades.

Based on her picture, I determined we were right around the same age—but of course, she was exponentially more successful than I was.

Our first meeting was scheduled for forty-five minutes, and it went surprisingly well. Early on, it seemed to me that we were compatible from a doctor-patient perspective (meaning that she had a sense of humor).

I’d been through two first therapy sessions already by this point, so I knew what to expect. But this session with Dr. Gillis had a much better vibe overall than either of my other two introductory therapy sessions.

A Pleasant Exchange

She let me do most of most of the talking, but she also sensed when I needed to pause and reflect or didn’t want to elaborate on a touchy subject, so there weren’t many dead spaces or awkward moments during our meeting.

It was a discussion—a casual discussion that wasn’t unpleasant or weird (well, not that weird anyway).

My first session with Shannon didn’t necessarily feel like a discussion.

On the contrary, I felt as though I was delivering a monologue at times.

I liked the dynamic I had with Dr. Gillis—there was give and take from both parties, and she struck me as a non-judgmental person, or at least, as a relatively non-judgmental psychiatrist.

At one point she asked me a series of questions.

“Do you have trouble finishing projects?”

Yes.

“When you have a task that demands your full attention, do you often avoid it or delay getting started?”

Yes.

“Do you struggle with organization or staying on track when working on extended projects?”

Yes.

“Are you more likely to do your taxes a few months in advance or on April 15th?”

“April 15th,” I replied. “Or whenever the deadline is—sometimes it’s even later than the 15th.”

“Me too,” Dr. Gillis said, nodding.

There were probably six more questions after that. Following her gentle round of interrogation with me, Dr. Gillis said, “Don’t obsess over this. I mean, you’re going to, but I don’t think you should. But based on your responses, I think it’s possible you have ADHD.”

“Interesting. I never would have guessed that because I’m not hyper at all.”

“Hyperactivity is one possible symptom of ADHD, but it’s not a requirement for a diagnosis.”

“I did not know that. When I was a kid, I remember my parents thought I might have ADHD briefly—or ADD as they called it then. But every parent thought their kid had ADD back in the early 90s. Then they got Ritalin for them, mainly just so the kids would shut up and behave.”

“Right, I’m a child of the 90s and remember many of my friends going on Ritalin too, and some of them probably didn’t need it in retrospect. But I actually wouldn’t recommend a stimulant for you—at least not yet. Wellbutrin may help improve your focus, and it will certainly help with your depression as well.”

“My last psychiatrist actually prescribed Wellbutrin to me, albeit reluctantly and not for ADHD. I haven’t taken it yet though.”

“Why haven’t you taken it yet?”

“Oh, I kind of wanted to talk with you first, I guess.”

“I think it’s a good option for you.”

“Alright, I’ll give it a try then.”

Dr. Gillis provided me with some more information about the drug, its benefits, and side effects, then she double-checked to make sure I’d been prescribed a low dose of the medication.

 

A Profound Insight Before the Buzzer

A little while later, still in our first session, Dr. Gillis and I discussed my anxiety. And she had a profound insight on the subject: She said she thought my anxiety was the primary source of my “suffering” and mental health struggles.

“My depression is a bigger issue on a day-to-day basis,” I told her. “But you may be right—that the anxiety is the driving factor in the equation, and that’s helpful to know.”

She gave me a prescription for buspirone, an antianxiety medication that doesn’t have sedating effects.

I thanked for the prescription and for listening to me complain. And I was relieved, mostly, because I knew Dr. Gillis was a competent psychiatrist, capable of managing my medications and more. She was also someone who I believed would respect my opinions and take them into consideration as she made her recommendations.

I never got around to telling her about the book…

 

Next: Therapy Journal 6 – “Exposure Therapy and a Panic Attack”

Previous: Therapy Journal 4 – “Weight Gain Worries”

Go to the Beginning: Journal 1 – “Broke, Miserable, and Alone”