Exposure therapy is the type of therapy I Know I need. But it terrifies me.

In exposure therapy, patients effectively face their fears in controlled situations.

For example, if someone has a horrible case of social anxiety (as I do), they would intentionally place themselves in social situations that make them uncomfortable. Over time, if the intervention is successful, the patient will come to realize that their fears were irrational.

It sounds pretty straightforward.

And it is pretty straightforward.

Exposure therapy is something you could do on your own, without the guidance of a therapist.

You probably wouldn’t be successful if you went the DIY-therapy route, but you could certainly try it. And if you’re determined to eliminate a harmful behavior or disorder that’s been troubling you, you will succeed at that goal.

Now, this is a journal, so I suppose I should bring the focus back to me.

Over the last decade, I’ve read hundreds of psychology books. Some of them were helpful (at least for a while).

But most of them just regurgitated information from other sources and didn’t present any new or insightful ideas.

After reading a self-help book, I’d often find myself motivated to make monumental changes in my personal and professional life–at least for a week or two.

Then my old, familiar, and sometimes destructive behavior patterns would emerge and undo any progress I’d made.

Because I enjoy reading psychology books, I’m familiar with a broad range of therapeutic techniques, including cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, mindfulness, and others.

When I mentioned my knowledge of these techniques to my therapist, Shannon, she asked which type of therapy I thought would be most useful to me.

“Exposure therapy,” I said immediately. “That’s the one that scares me the most too.”

I have an avoidant personality and go to extreme measures to avoid rejection, and these measures have had disastrous effects on me over the course of decades.

My dating history is very limited. Every woman I’ve ever dated I met online, not in real life. I don’t say hello to strangers in public. And because of my avoidant personality disorder, I gravitate toward low-paying jobs with limited responsibilities.

Exposure Therapy – Challenge #1

In week one of my exposure therapy, Shannon presented me with a seemingly simple task: Strike up a meaningful conversation with two strangers.

“You know I have horrible social anxiety, right?” I said. “I literally never approach strangers.”

“The conversations don’t need to be long,” she stipulated.

“I hardly get out at all during the week.”

“Well, you said you enjoy running. Maybe you could say hello to someone you meet while you’re on a run.”

“I always wear headphones when I run.”

“Okay, maybe you could go to a bookstore and ask someone about a book they are reading.”

“But I wouldn’t care what they’re reading.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Right, the exercise is about me, not them. They’re irrelevant.”

“That’s one way of looking at it.”

“Could I just start a conversation with one person?”

“Okay…” Shannon said disapprovingly.

After a pause, I said, “Alright, I’ll try. No promises.”

Panic Ensues

I went for a walk after my therapy session, and my anxiety level was overwhelming. And oddly, I was anxious because of how anxious I was—not so much about the assignment. If that makes sense….

The idea that starting a conversation with a stranger made me so agitated indicated I was kind of messed up.

Not even kind of.

That afternoon I began having heart palpitations and had to stop working.

 

Thank God for my anxiety pills.

I popped two hydroxyzines and laid down for a while but couldn’t sleep, still dreading the two conversations with strangers I’d have to endure in the coming days.

Challenge Accepted

After the initial wave anxiety swept over me, I emerged from my panic-stricken state and contemplated how I’d go about initiating conversations with people.

Maybe I should just be honest, I thought. I even prepared a mini speech I could use during the exercise: “Hello,” I’d say, smiling. “My therapist challenged me to start conversations with two strangers this week. And I feel very awkward. Do you have any tactics you use when approaching strangers to begin a conversation?

Nah, someone might call the police on me if I tried that.

I succeeded in the exercise ultimately. The conversations were so boring (one at Walmart, the other at a bar) that I’m not even going to bother including them here.

My comfort zone was approximately two inches wide. With exposure therapy, I could work on expanding that comfort zone, simply by placing myself in uncomfortable situations, and by continuing to accept my therapist’s challenges.

Next: Therapy Journal 7 – “All About Dating”

Previous: Therapy Journal 5 – “A Surprise Diagnosis”

Go to the Beginning: Journal 1 – “Broke, Miserable, and Alone”