I mainly talked about my book, Love Songs and Suicide, during my first session with Shannon, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in her 40s with very long brown hair.

“What is the book about?” she asked.

“Can I send you a link to the description?”

“Tell me about it,” she responded, smiling.

I sighed, then beamed up the Amazon description and read it to her.

“That sounds. . . interesting,” she said after hearing the description.

“Interesting,” I said, laughing and knowing that she meant she had no interest in reading my book and that the concept didn’t appeal to her at all.

The rest of our session was awkward, with many moments of silence. It seemed to me that she did a poor job filling in the quiet spaces, during which I would have welcomed guidance or questions or anecdotes from her. She did ask questions—just not nearly as many as I expected she would ask—and revealed almost nothing about herself or her philosophy as a therapist.

We discussed the book some more, as well as my breakdown, which I alluded to my first therapy blog post, my job, and other topics.

By the end of our session, I think she sensed that we weren’t necessarily “compatible” from a therapist-patient perspective.

I have a dark, somewhat morbid sense of humor and am very sarcastic (and sarcasm was a language she did not speak).

 

An Escape Opportunity

“I always make a point to tell people that I’m not for everyone,” Shannon told me at the end of our session. “If you want to try a different therapist or decide that therapy isn’t for you, I won’t be offended at all.”

Given that I had no past experiences with therapy, I decided I should go ahead and schedule another session—because I figured that first therapy sessions, like first dates, are generally awkward and unproductive.

She wasn’t going to read my book. I could tell. And she could never fully analyze me or be an effective therapist to me without reading my book.

But…that was a big ask. I didn’t anticipate any other therapists on this online platform (name withheld) would be willing to read my book either.

Shannon and I had our next session a week later—and it went well, surprisingly. More on that later. First, I have to tell you about my argument with Dr. Samuelson, my psychiatrist/medication manager.

Next: Therapy Journal 4 – “Weight Gain Worries“

Previous: Therapy Journal 2 – “A Happiness Prescription”

Go to the Beginning: Journal 1 – “Broke, Miserable, and Alone”