Words that were helpful to me.

And they might be helpful to you too.

“My mental health genes are so—” I told her. “I’ve been so unhappy for so long, and I just keep having this recurring thought that I’m doomed.”

Randomly, my therapist is a big basketball fan.

And at this point, she injected Kobe Bryant into the conversation.

Then our session timed out (because I do online therapy).

Afterwards, she sent me this lovely message:

“Dear Ross Horton,

It was great seeing you today.

When Kobe Bryant said that he always knew he would be the best basketball player in the world and that he never had a second option, he was so confident he was going to make it….and he did. I wonder what would happen if you believed in yourself, if you actually thought you would succeed, if you didn’t assume there were multiple other options…”

Wise words.

I’m not there yet.

Not even close.

But that simple message (“believe in yourself”) resonated with me on this day.

Maybe it will resonate with one other person reading this post (if anyone reads this post).

Even if we don’t believe in ourselves, we can still fake it, right?

No CTA.

Believe in yourself.

And even if you don’t, pretend you do.

That’s my message for you today.

For whatever it’s worth.

I’ll never “be like Mike” (that’s Michael Jordan, the best basketball player ever) or Kobe Bryant in my field of choice.

But that’s okay.

My goal as a content creator in this basketball analogy is simple:

I’d just like to be…

• A tall white dude on the bench
• Wearing a fly jumpsuit
• Despite my inability to jump

That’s a SMART goal for me (and for all of us, I think, regardless of our gender because again, this is an NBA analogy).

We shouldn’t aspire to be like Mike or Kobe. Rather, we should aim to be like a tall dude on the bench wearing a fly jumpsuit.

• Engaged
• Prepared
• And learning to fly without elite athleticism (or wings).

P.S. What’s your #1 SMART goal right now?

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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He was “hypomanic on a mild day,” per historian Kay Redfield Jameson. 

Both his brother and son committed suicide. 

To manage his depression, Roosevelt sought “action.” 

And he sought it constantly. 

• He swam
• Rode horses 
• Hunted wild game
• Climbed mountains
• And practiced martial arts

In 1913, at the age of fifty-five, he embarked on his most perilous odyssey: a two-month canoe trip down the River of Duda (River of Doubt), an uncharted tributary of the Amazon. He almost died on that journey and lost nearly a quarter of his body weight. The Duda was eventually renamed in his honor. Today, it’s known as Roosevelt River.

As president, he participated in boxing matches at the White House. 

In those matches, he’d regularly challenge his competitors to hit him in the face as hard as they possibly could. 

He reportedly suffered multiple concussions.

So…

Roosevelt was insane.

But he led an extraordinary life. 

And he died of natural causes at the age of sixty, unlike his son, brother, and many others in his family who died by suicide.

Bipolar disorder was the Roosevelt “family curse.” But because Teddy stayed in motion — constant motion — he was able to channel his energy, quell his depressive tendencies, and become one of the most significant figures in American history.

I’m not advising anyone to pick fistfights or navigate uncharted river tributaries. Rather than seeking action of the extreme and insane variety like Roosevelt did throughout his life, we can simply aim to become a little more active.

At least, that’s what I’m aiming to do.

To get action, I can:

• Run
• Jump
• Swim
• Play
• Row
• And go
• On trips

Only people of a certain age will pick up on the references in the above list…

And I’m not in the advice-giving business. 

But if I were, I might say this to you:

Get out of your cushy office chair, couch, or whatever. 

At least for a little while. 

And get some ACTION. 

Today. 

Or, now is even better. 

Of course, you can leave a comment first (but only if you want to). 

What type of “action” are you presently seeking? 

Let’s keep it clean, folks. 

Below is the full quote from Teddy. 

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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The post Teddy Roosevelt’s Insane but Effective Cure for Depression appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

Luckily, my insurance offered free online therapy through a digital provider (name omitted). 

Now, six months have passed.

And I’ve been through dozens of therapy sessions.

On this website, I’ve also written 15 in-depth therapy journal posts.

And as I look back on my journey so far, I think it all worked out for the best. Ultimately, I’m glad most therapists in my area were flakes and that I receive online therapy instead. 

Here are 10 reasons I love online therapy (and why you’ll love it too). 

1. No Need to Leave Your Couch (or Office)

As someone with a weird schedule, finding time for therapy sessions can be challenging for me.

Online therapy eliminates the hassle of commuting, allowing me to have sessions from the comfort of my home office.

I schedule appointments that fit my needs and lifestyle, all while maintaining a consistent therapy routine without disruptions.

2. It’s Less Up Close and Personal

This aspect can be both positive and negative.

In-person sessions may feel intense and intimate (for both the patient and therapist).

Online therapy, on the other hand, provides a certain level of detachment. It allows me to open up more freely. I feel less self-conscious and more comfortable expressing my thoughts and emotions. 

3. More Therapists

Online therapy opens up a vast pool of therapists to choose from.

Unlike traditional therapy, where I was limited to the professionals in my local area, I now have access to a wide range of therapists with diverse specialties and approaches. 

4. Easy to Hire, Easy to Fire

Over my therapy journey, I’ve had to make difficult decisions and let go of therapists who weren’t the right fit for me.

Online therapy makes this process easier.

I have more options and can switch therapists without awkward phone calls or other hassles. It empowers me to find a therapist who aligns with my goals and provides the support I need.

5. Access to Specialized Services

Online therapy offers the opportunity to connect with therapists who specialize in niche areas or specific populations.

For individuals seeking therapy for unique concerns or identities, this accessibility to specialized services can be incredibly valuable in finding the right support and guidance.

6. Cost-Effectiveness

Online therapy often comes at a lower cost compared to traditional in-person therapy.

Without the need for office space, therapists can offer their services at more affordable rates. If you have good insurance, online therapy may even be free for you, like it is for me!

7. No Waiting Rooms

I alluded to this point earlier, but it’s worth revisiting here.

Waiting rooms are often anxiety-inducing, overwhelming, and/or just plain frustrating.

With online therapy, I no longer have to experience the discomfort of waiting in a crowded room, surrounded by strangers. Instead, I log in to my therapy session a couple of minutes before it starts. Then I ease into the session at my own pace.

8. Enhanced Privacy

Engaging in therapy from the comfort of my own space provides an added layer of privacy. I don’t have to worry about running into someone I know in the waiting room or being seen entering a therapist’s office.

9. Increased Appointment Availability

Okay, this is another topic that relates to convenience, but it’s still worth discussing briefly in a full section. Online therapy platforms can often accommodate a larger number of clients.

So the scheduling options tend to be more flexible. This means shorter wait times to get started with therapy and greater availability of appointment slots, making it easier to find a time that works for busy schedules.

10. Lower Stakes, Similar Rewards

Online therapy creates a sense of familiarity and comfort that reduces the pressure often associated with in-person sessions. Being in a familiar environment allows me to relax and be more authentic during therapy. Despite the lower stakes, I still reap the same rewards of self-discovery, personal growth, and healing.

10 Benefits of Online Therapy – Closing Thoughts

In conclusion, my journey through online therapy has been a transformative experience. The convenience it offers is unparalleled, enabling me to fit therapy seamlessly into my erratic schedule and maintain a consistent routine. 

Moreover, the detachment provided by online sessions has allowed me to open up more freely, leading to profound self-reflection and personal growth.

If you’re thinking about trying online therapy, I’d recommend reviewing your insurance policy to see if low-cost (or free) providers are available via your plan.

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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The post 10 Reasons Online Therapy is Better than In-Person Therapy appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

And I can relate to your concern.

In the winter of 2023, I had a breakdown that jeopardized my closest relationships. I’d just sifted through 25 years’ worth of trauma and damage in isolation while writing my debut memoir.

I was in rough shape, unable to function in my day-to-day life. So I sought help from a therapist—for the first time ever, at age 38.

Like you, I had questions about the duration of therapy.

I also wondered when I would start to see progress.

In this blog post, I’ll share my insights and experiences to shed light on the journey ahead, offering guidance on the timeline you might expect in your own therapeutic process.

General Guidelines

Studies show that the average length of therapy ranges from 12 to 20 sessions for shorter-term interventions.

Longer-term therapy may extend over months or even years.

It’s important to note that each person’s experience is unique. The timeframe varies from relatively short to longer periods, depending primarily on four factors. 

What are those factors?

I’m glad you asked.

The Four Factors that Determine the Length of a Therapeutic Intervention

1. The Severity of Your Symptoms

The severity of your symptoms will determine, to some extent, how long therapy will last. Individuals with more severe conditions, such as bipolar disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder, often require more extensive treatment. In these cases, therapy may span over the course of six months or longer.

I suffer from multiple disorders (generalized anxiety, social anxiety, depression, and ADHD). My mother also died by suicide. I have extensive past traumas I need to address. And healing from those traumas will require a long-term commitment to therapy on my part.

But even if you don’t have severe symptoms or traumatic past experiences, short-term therapy could be beneficial. Take my friend Emma, for example. After a tough breakup, therapy helped her find stability and manage her anxiety. 

Whether it’s long-term for a major psychiatric issue or short-term for a life challenge, therapy is a great way to develop effective coping strategies and improve your overall well-being. 

2. Your Willingness to Change

The success or failure of your therapeutic journey lies in your hands. Sure, a skilled therapist can offer you general guidance and support. But your willingness to embrace change will influence the duration of your therapy, perhaps more than any other factor. 

It won’t always be easy. 

As I mentioned earlier, I have social anxiety disorder. And when my therapist gave me a simple assignment—to engage in two meaningful conversations with random strangers—I practically had a panic attack. 

However, by pushing myself to face my fears and expose myself to uncomfortable experiences, I’ve learned how to gain control over my anxiety. If you’re willing to change, as I was (and still am), there’s a good chance you’ll embark on an efficient and transformative path in therapy. 

3. The Therapeutic Approaches Used

Therapeutic approaches also play a role in determining the length of therapy.

Structured interventions, featuring solution-based modalities such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and dialectical behavior therapy, are often relatively short in duration. Other therapeutic approaches, including psychodynamic therapy, require in-depth exploration and may extend over a longer period. 

Your ideal therapeutic strategy will depend on your needs, mindset, and goals.

4. The Competence of Your Therapist

When your therapist possesses expertise in your specific area of concern, they can provide tailored interventions and strategies to effectively address your needs. On the other hand, an inexperienced or ill-suited therapist may impede your progress. 

Remember, therapy is a collaborative process.

Finding a competent therapist who not only understands your unique circumstances but also works well with you is essential for achieving optimal results within a reasonable time frame.

How Long Does Therapy Last? – Closing Thoughts

The severity of your symptoms and conditions will influence the length of therapy, with more extensive treatment often required for severe conditions. However, even for those facing milder challenges, short-term therapy can still provide valuable support.

Ultimately, if you’re willing to make changes and find a competent therapist who understands your circumstances and needs, your therapeutic journey will be successful.

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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The post The Waiting Is the Hardest Part – How Long Does Therapy Last? appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

However, I’m still here.

And I suppose that’s the primary reason I feel compelled to write a full-on advice column for my little blog.

In spite of my bipolar disorder, social anxiety, past adversities, inability to function in normal workplaces, and everything else, I’ve somehow managed to stay employed and reasonably sane.

Also, over the last decade or so, I’ve read over 100 self-help books. Most of them were shit. But through my reading and experiences, I’ve discovered a number of strategies that have helped me survive, not necessarily thrive, as I’ve navigated my personal challenges.

I am, for the most part, someone who’s impervious to self-improvement tactics and advice. The most beguiling and talented motivational speakers on earth aggravate rather than inspire me. Few if any life coaches or “gurus” would take me on as a client.

All that said, these five sanity-maintenance strategies have genuinely helped me.

I dedicated my book, Love Songs and Suicide, to anyone and everyone who’s struggling with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, et. al. If this post can help one struggling person, it’s worth sharing. The list begins now.

Note – this article was originally a bonus chapter in my book, Love Songs and Suicide. 

My Top Five Sanity-Maintenance Tips

1. Get Action

Former US President Teddy Roosevelt struggled with severe depression throughout his life. According to Kay Redfield Jameson, a renowned expert on bipolar disorder, Roosevelt was “Hypomanic on a mild day.” Both his brother and son committed suicide. The president’s constant pursuit of “action” helped him manage his depression and avoid a similar fate.

Known for his boundless energy and commitment to living a “strenuous life,” Roosevelt was extremely productive and adventurous. He wrote forty books and read at least one book per day.

After two eventful terms as president, Roosevelt traveled to Africa for a big-game hunting expedition that lasted for nearly a year.

In 1913, at the age of fifty-five, he embarked on his most perilous odyssey: a two-month canoe trip down the River of Duda (River of Doubt), an uncharted tributary of the Amazon. He almost died on that journey and lost nearly a quarter of his body weight. The Duda was eventually renamed in his honor. Today, it’s known as Roosevelt River.

A fitness fanatic, Roosevelt enjoyed vigorous and regular exercise sessions. Some of his favorite activities included swimming, horseback riding, climbing, and weightlifting. He loved violent sports too. As president, he participated in boxing matches at the White House, where he’d regularly challenge his competitors to hit him in the face as hard as they possibly could. He reportedly suffered multiple concussions.

Roosevelt was insane.

But he led a remarkably productive life.

And he died of natural causes at the age of sixty, unlike his son, brother, and many others in his family who died by suicide.

Bipolar disorder was the Roosevelt “family curse.” Because Teddy stayed in motion — constant motion — he was able to channel his energy, quell his depressive tendencies, and become one of the most significant figures in American history.

I’m not advising anyone to pick fistfights or navigate uncharted river tributaries of the Amazon. Rather than seeking action of the extreme and insane variety like Roosevelt did throughout his life, we can simply aim to become more active.

When I started running at the age of thirty, my mental health improved dramatically. My insomnia flare-ups became less frequent. According to the Mayo Clinic, regular exercise has at least seven benefits. It boosts your mood and energy levels, combats disease, helps regulate your metabolism, promotes quality sleep, enhances your ability to “perform,” and more.

Almost 80 percent of adults don’t exercise enough, according to a 2018 government study. The CDC recommends adults get a minimum of 2.5 hours of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise per week, 1 hour and 15 minutes of vigorous exercise, or a combination of both.

I didn’t expect to like running but found it to be both therapeutic and energizing. My advice to those of you who are inactive or rarely exercise, for what it’s worth, is to pick a physical activity (or several activities) that you can tolerate and then commence a fitness routine.

The picture below features the quote from Teddy that inspired this section and that may inspire you on your fitness journey.

2. Reconnect

In Lost Connections: Why You’re Depressed and How to Find Hope, a book I discuss in my memoir, author Johann Hari lists nine primary causes of depression. He contends that most people don’t become depressed because of a “mental illness,” but rather because they have unmet needs or unaddressed traumas.

In this section, I’ll also discuss the various “prescriptions” the author presents as natural remedies for depression and offer my own insights along the way.

First, let’s review the nine possible causes of depression (again, I’m paraphrasing):

1. You have a shitty, unrewarding, or menial job – Maybe you’re a minimum-wage security guard like I was. If you don’t feel like your work matters, there’s a good chance you’ll experience depression.
2. You have a few if any meaningful relationships – Humans are social animals, not unlike our ape relatives. I mean, I’m not so much a social animal. But even misfits like me need a certain amount of human connection, otherwise we get lonely and despondent.
3. You have materialistic values, not healthy values – Most of us are driven by extrinsic motives and constantly seek rewards from our actions, such as money, possessions, likes on Facebook, or admiration from pretty nurses with burly, bearded boyfriends who want nothing to do with us (okay, one of those points was specific to me). Individuals with intrinsic motivations, who do things because they enjoy them or find them fulfilling, are much happier than the materialistic majority of people.
4. There’s something from your childhood that you need to address – My mom, who died when I was 16, never recovered from her horrific childhood. I still have scars from my formative years as well. If we don’t come to terms with our childhood traumas, we’re unlikely to be happy or productive as adults.
5. Like Rodney Dangerfield, you get no respect – People at the bottom of any hierarchy, whether it’s in a workplace, school, or other setting, often feel disrespected, vulnerable, and once again, depressed.
6. You’ve lost touch with nature – We’re all residents on the Milky Way’s most stunning piece of real estate, with an abundance of awe-inspiring attractions that are free and open for your viewing pleasure, 24/7. You shouldn’t have to travel far to see something beautiful that lifts your spirits, at least temporarily.
7. Like my father, you have no hope for the future – I’m still trying to help my father, a central character in my book, and to restore a sense of hope and optimism in him. To quote Andy Dufresne from The Shawshank Redemption, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”
8. Depression runs in your family – Johan acknowledges that genetics play a role in the puzzle (his ninth cause is also related to genetics).

On Reconnecting

I was inspired but somewhat overwhelmed when I finished reading Lost Connections. I was profoundly disconnected from meaningful relationships, work, and in every other conceivable way.

My social life was in ruins. Rebuilding it would have been an enormous, multi-year project. That’s why I reconnected with the natural world first. I took my day trip to Coupeville, WA after reading the book. In an effort to reconnect with others, I invited two friends from work to join me. Some months later, my “Bipolar Express” tour of the American Southwest was also an attempt to befriend mother earth and suckle on some of her most beautiful features.

Most of the depression “prescriptions” Johan offers in Lost Connections are of the social variety. Once we start to cultivate meaningful relationships, our self-worth increases and we begin to have hope for the future again.

3. Disconnect (Your Devices)

Smartphones have revolutionized how we access information and communicate with each other. They’re immensely powerful pocket-sized computers.

Although Steve Jobs didn’t invent the smartphone, he was a driving force in popularizing the device. Interestingly, Jobs limited screen time for his kids, as did Microsoft founder Bill Gates. Jobs famously even prohibited his children from using the i-Pad when it was first released because he understood that the new technology could be harmful if it wasn’t used responsibly.

Today, a significant percentage of smartphone users are addicted to their devices. As a result, many of those users are becoming anxious and depressed. Here are few shocking statistics on cell-phone addiction.

• 54% of young adults report checking their phones “constantly” throughout the day.
• 60% of U.S. college students consider themselves full-blown cell-phone “addicts.”
• 44% of 18-24 year olds have fallen asleep with their electronic mistresses in hand.
• Almost 40% of people never disconnect their devices.

Studies have shown that there is a link between cell-phone addiction and depression, anxiety, and a host of other mental health issues; however, that connection isn’t fully understood yet because the technology is still relatively new.

I’m not advising you to smash your cell phone to smithereens or disconnect entirely. But the average adult spends nearly three hours per day on their smartphone. That seems excessive to me.

Since I entered the social-media matrix a few years ago, I’ve been pretty good about setting rules for myself and limiting my time on sites like Facebook and Twitter. I try not to check my feeds more than twice per day. Occasionally, because I’m prone to compulsive behavior and neurotic, I need to be extra strict with myself.

If I find I’m obsessively checking an app, I delete it temporarily. Facebook and Twitter work perfectly fine on Chrome and most other internet browsers. As I finalized the first draft of this book, I deactivated my accounts for several weeks to avoid distractions. Free productivity apps are available that can block your access to websites and other time-wasting apps at specified times. The app Leachblock happens to be my favorite (and it’s free).

Cell phones are also known to disrupt sleep patterns. They suppress melatonin, the hormone that regulates the sleep-wake cycle, and stimulate rather than relax your brain. Most sleep experts advise their patients to turn off their devices at least thirty minutes before they go to bed.

A cell phone addiction isn’t like a cigarette or drug addiction. You don’t need to quit your device in order to be healthy. Simply “cutting back” on your cell phone use may help reduce your depression and anxiety levels, while improving your quality of sleep at the same time.

4. Therapy Might Help

Even though I prefer to avoid using medications if possible and believe depression is overdiagnosed, I’m not anti-big pharma, nor am I anti-psychiatry like Tom Cruise. I believe shrinks, counselors, and medications all play pivotal roles in the treatment of depression and save countless lives each and every year.

When I was on antidepressants, a general practitioner prescribed my medications and monitored my progress. He didn’t know much more about depression or mental health than I did, and as a result, my condition was poorly managed. I needed to be on medication for a while, but I didn’t need to be on it for five years.

The more mental health disorders a person has “stacked” on top of each other, the more likely they are to benefit from medication. That’s my opinion anyway. The cult of scientology and perhaps would disagree with me.

My friend Phoenix, another character in my book, has PTSD, depression, anxiety, and ADHD. In her case, social “prescriptions” alone haven’t sufficiently relieved her conditions and medications have been helpful to her.

The average psychiatrist knows exponentially more about anti-depressants and all other psych drugs than the average general practitioner. If it had been an option to me at the time, I would have had a psychiatrist monitor my mental-health prescriptions instead of my regular doctor.

Cognitive behavioral therapy, whether under the supervision of a mental-health professional or using a workbook of your own, can also be effective. In cognitive behavioral therapy, patients work to identify and correct cognitive “distortions,” which are deconstructive and inaccurate thoughts that create negative behavior patterns.

There are fourteen other cognitive distortions. Some people jump to conclusions and make assumptions based on incomplete or faulty information. Others “filter” their opinions or beliefs and see only the negative aspects of situations. There are also catastrophization, labeling, and fairness fallacies, among others.

We all have “automatic thoughts” throughout the day. Using cognitive behavior therapy, we can “talk back” to our negative thoughts and work toward eliminating them. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns was the first and best of the books I’ve read on the subject.

Most mental-health professionals use cognitive behavioral therapy in their practices. So if you’re looking for extra support or for someone to hold you accountable as you work to change your behavior patterns, seeing a therapist could be helpful.

Personally, I began therapy in early 2023 at age 38 and have been documenting my experiences for this blog.

5. Keep Learning New Things

Research has shown that learning a new skill stimulates the formation of neural pathways. It activates dopamine, the feel-good hormone, and can enhance both your mood and your overall quality of life. Seniors are often encouraged to take classes and pursue new hobbies.

By staying mentally active and engaged, they can protect their brains against aging and even potentially reduce their risk of developing dementia.

Amelia, another prominent character in my book, was always pursuing new creative outlets and hobbies. She sailed and scuba dived, took design courses, photography courses, and belonged to multiple clubs. And she’s one of the happiest and most successful people I’ve ever met.

Bonus Tips and Closing Thoughts

Mindfulness — staying in the moment and accepting, without judgment, my thoughts and feelings — was another therapeutic technique I found helpful for a while. 10% Happier by Dan Harris is the best introductory book to meditation I’ve read; it almost converted me from a meditation skeptic into a believer. One of the nurses at the hospital where I worked attributed her professional and professional successes to her daily gratitude journal.

Sex is a powerful antidepressant too. I’m sure I’d be happier if I had it more frequently. There was a scene in the movie Sideways where Jack, played by Thomas Hayden Church, advises his neurotic friend Miles to forgo his Xanax and therapy sessions and have someone “work on his joint” instead. It’s crude advice but not necessarily bad advice.

One more time, for what it’s worth, here are my top five sanity-maintenance tips for neurotics and lunatics like me:

• Stay active
• Reconnect with nature
• Reconnect with other people
• Limit you use of technology
• And continue to learn new things

That concludes my self-help article. Again, I’m the last person on earth you should be seeking advice from, but if I can help one person, then this post will be a success.

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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The post Most Shrinks Are Crazy Too – My Top 5 Sanity-Maintenance Tips appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

But there are so many mindfulness exercises. 

And honestly, most of them aren’t practical for beginners. 

It’s a busy Tuesday for me, as I write this blog post.

And I don’t have the time to do a full body scan or to listen to some spiritual guru drone on about how I can tap into the energy of the universe via mindfulness. I barely had enough energy to shower, shave, and find matching socks this morning. 

The image above shows me during my breakdown in late 2022. That breakdown led me to therapy. It also prompted me to explore mindfulness and other self-care practices as a way to cope with my anxiety and depression.

In this post, I’ll tell you about three effective and simple mindfulness exercises that have helped me—a busy and neurotic skeptic—manage my stress, quiet my mind, and be a little more productive. Before I discuss these techniques, let’s review some basic facts about mindfulness and the research behind it. 

What is Mindfulness? 

At its core, mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and fully engaged in your surroundings. This means letting go of distractions and worries about the past or future and instead focusing on what is happening right now.

One of the key aspects of mindfulness is non-judgmental awareness. This means observing your thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without attaching any judgment or evaluation to them. 

Rather than labeling your experiences as “good” or “bad,” you simply notice them as they arise and let them pass without getting caught up in them.

Four Popular Mindfulness Practices (Ranked from Easiest to Hardest)

1. Mindful focus

This practice involves paying attention to a single object or activity, such as your breath, a sound, or a physical sensation. Mindful focus can be easily incorporated into daily activities such as walking, eating, or working. It’s generally considered to be the simplest and most skeptic-friendly mindfulness practice. 

2. Mindful meditation

In a mindful meditation session, you’ll sit or lie down and focus your attention on your breath, an object, or a sensation. The practice is similar to mindful focus but requires a little more discipline (most people meditate with their eyes closed, for example). 

3. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy is often used in clinical settings to treat patients with depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. MBCT combines mindfulness meditation with cognitive therapy techniques. It requires a substantial time commitment from participants and may be impractical for you, my busy and neurotic reader. 

Three Relevant Studies – How Effective Is Mindfulness?

Like me, you probably approach self-help and new-age concepts like a cautious driver on a winding road, always alert for potential hazards. Well, feel free to turn on your bright beams as you read (or skim) this next section. Here are three relevant studies on mindfulness that may be useful to you as contemplate whether or not to incorporate the practice into your life.

Mindfulness and Reducing the Symptoms of Depression

A University of Oxford study found that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) was effective in reducing the symptoms of depression in individuals with a history of depression. 

The randomized, controlled trial involved over 500 participants, who were either given MBCT or standard care. The MBCT group showed a 31% reduction in symptoms of depression compared to the control group, indicating that mindfulness-based interventions may be an effective treatment for depression.

Study on Mindfulness and Pain Management

This randomized and controlled study, conducted by researchers at UCLA, had 109 participants. Those participants were either given a mindfulness meditation program or treatment as usual (antidepressants and clinical management). The mindfulness meditation group showed a significant reduction in pain intensity (by 27%) and pain-related distress (by 44%) compared to the control group. 

Mindfulness-Based Intervention Study

This systematic review examined 209 randomized controlled trials (RCTs) that used mindfulness-based interventions for adults with mental disorders. Over 1,300 participants were involved in the study. 

The meta-analysis found that mindfulness-based interventions were moderately effective in reducing symptoms of anxiety and stress, with a small to moderate effect size. Additionally, the study found that the benefits of mindfulness-based interventions persisted over time, with participants showing continued improvement in symptoms up to six months after the intervention ended.

Three Simple Mindfulness Exercises, Plus a Bonus

Mindfulness doesn’t have to be complicated or mystical. Here are three exercises you can start doing today that could change your life—probably not today, but soon. 

1. Mindful Focus

One of the simplest mindfulness exercises is Mindful Focus. It’s easy to do and can be done anywhere. 

All you need is an object—any object that doesn’t have words on it. 

After you pick your object, stare at it for at least three minutes—preferably five to ten minutes. 

As you observe the object, take note of its texture, color, and any other features that stand out to you. 

While doing this exercise, be aware of your thoughts, breathing patterns, and physical sensations without judging them. Just observe them as they arise.

This was the first mindfulness exercise my therapist taught me, and it’s one I still incorporate into my life on a regular basis. The practice is similar to medication in many ways, but more accessible and adaptable to different situations.

2. Mindful Movement

Another easy mindfulness exercise to try is mindful movement. It can be done with any type of movement, like walking, doing yoga, or even cleaning your house. 

As you move, focus on the sensations you experience, such as the stretch of your muscles, the rhythm of your breath, and the feeling of your feet on the ground. 

When thoughts arise, simply notice them without judgment and then gently redirect your focus back to the movement.

Personally, I enjoy taking mindful walks a few times per week because the practice helps me reconnect with nature and brings a calming influence to my day.

3. Box Breathing (the 1-2-3-4 Breathing Exercise) 

Box breathing is a simple yet effective breathing exercise that can help manage stress and anxiety. Here are the steps to perform it:

1. Sit in a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths to relax your body.
2. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for four counts. Pay attention to the sensation of the air flowing in through your nostrils, filling your lungs and expanding your chest.
3. Hold your breath for four counts. During this time, keep your attention on the air in your lungs and the feeling of your chest expanding.
4. Exhale slowly and fully through your mouth, again counting to four. Focus on the sensation of the air leaving your lungs and your chest returning to its original position.
5. Hold your breath again for four counts before inhaling again.
6. Repeat this cycle for at least three minutes, or as long as you need to feel calm and centered.

But What’s In It for Me? 7 Benefits of Mindfulness

A few benefits of mindfulness are as follows:

1. Reduces stress and anxiety: When you’re fully present in the moment, it’s hard to worry about the future or ruminate on the past, which decreases feelings of stress and anxiety.
2. Improves mental focus and concentration: Mindfulness helps you train your brain to stay focused on one thing at a time, boosting your productivity and cognitive functioning. 
3. Enhances emotional regulation: When you incorporate mindfulness into your life, you learn how to become more aware of your emotions and regulate them in a healthier way, reducing the likelihood of breakdowns (like the breakdown I had after writing my book). 
4. Boosts immune system function: Other studies have shown that mindfulness can have a positive effect on immune system function, which may help protect you from illness.
5. Improves sleep quality: When you’re less stressed and anxious, it’s easier to fall asleep and stay asleep, resulting in better sleep quality.
6. Promotes overall well-being: With mindfulness, you can cultivate a greater sense of connection and contentment in your life by being fully present and attuned to your body and mind.
7. And many more: Mindfulness can also help create space for inspiration and boost your creativity, promote stronger and healthier relationships, increase your self-awareness and allow you to make more intentional choices, and more. 

Further Reading

Practicing Mindfulness: 75 Essential Meditations for Finding Peace in the Everyday by Matthew Sockolov

This guidebook offers readers 75 different meditation exercises to help them cultivate mindfulness in their daily lives. Written by Matthew Sockolov, a mindfulness meditation teacher, each meditation is designed to be simple and accessible for beginners, but also deep enough for experienced practitioners. 

The meditations cover a wide range of topics, from breath awareness and body scans to loving-kindness and compassion practices. The book currently has a 4.7-star rating on Amazon and over 7,000 reviews. 

Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Danny Penman and Mark Williams

Based on the popular 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course developed at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, this book features a step-by-step program for readers to learn and practice mindfulness. 

The book includes guided meditations, practical exercises, and scientific research to help readers understand the benefits of mindfulness and how to incorporate it into their daily lives. At the time of this writing, it has a 4.7-star rating on Amazon and just under 7,500 reviews. 

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Power of Now is a hugely  popular and influential book on mindfulness and spirituality. It has sold over 5 million copies worldwide and has been translated into 33 languages. 

The book has received praise from many prominent figures, including Oprah Winfrey, who named it one of her “favorite things” and helped to bring it to a wider audience. Its popularity has made it a staple in the self-help and spirituality genre, inspiring countless readers to explore the concept of mindfulness and live in the present moment. 

A Mindfulness Guide for Neurotic Skeptics – Summary

• Mindfulness is the practice of being present and fully engaged in the current moment, without judgment or distraction.
• Relevant studies have shown that mindfulness can improve focus, reduce stress and anxiety, and promote wellness. 

• Mindful focus involves paying attention to a single object or sensation, while noticing any thoughts or distractions that arise and gently redirecting focus back to the object.
• Mindful movement involves paying attention to your body as you move, focusing on sensations such as the stretch of your muscles and the rhythm of your breath.
• Box breathing is a simple breathing exercise that can help manage stress and anxiety. 

Closing Thoughts

Mindfulness has a wealth of benefits for both the mind and body. While it can be difficult to make time for mindfulness practice in our busy lives, even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference. 

Personally, I have found that incorporating mindfulness into my daily routine has helped me manage stress and feel more centered and present. 

And remember, I am a neurotic skeptic—and that’s the main reason I felt compelled to write this post. If you have any experience with mindfulness, questions, or comments, feel free to share them with me in the comments section below.

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

lovesong.blog

The post A Mindfulness Guide for Neurotic Skeptics, Written by a Neurotic Skeptic appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

But I’m learning to tame that part of me with help from a brilliant psychiatrist named Dr. Gillis. Thanks to her guidance, I’m making progress toward a happier, less theatric life, and I’m excited to share my experience with dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) with all of you.

Looking back, I can’t help but wonder, if only I had discovered dialectical behavior therapy sooner, maybe I wouldn’t have lost my closest friend during my last breakdown in 2022.

It’s too late to get her back.

But if I can help one person avoid a personal or professional disaster in their life, this post will be a worthwhile endeavor.

You’re probably here because you struggle with managing your emotions and often find yourself in dramatic situations. DBT has been a powerful tool for me, and I hope sharing my story can offer you hope and motivation.

Before I review some proven and powerful DBT techniques with you—techniques that I personally use– let’s talk a little about the practice and the science behind it.

What is DBT?

Dialectical behavior therapy is a form of therapy that aims to help people manage their emotions and build more effective coping mechanisms.

Originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder (BPD), therapists now use DBT as a treatment for a range of mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders.

DBT is based on the concept of dialectics, which is the idea that two opposing ideas can both be true at the same time. In therapy, DBT clinicians strive to validate their clients’ emotions and experiences while simultaneously challenging them to make positive changes in their behaviors.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Since DBT was developed to treat personality disorder, it’s important for me to provide a brief definition of BPD. Borderline personality disorder is a mental illness that is characterized by erratic and intense emotions.

A few common BPD symptoms include:

1. Fear of abandonment
2. Impulsive and risky behaviors
3. Distorted self-image
4. Unstable relationships
5. Chronic feelings of emptiness
6. Difficulty regulating emotions
7. Self-harm or suicidal behavior
8. Paranoia or dissociation under stress
9. Intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

BPD affects about 1-2% of the population, with women being diagnosed more often than men.

Will Dialectical Behavior Therapy Still Work for Me if I Don’t Have BPD?

The short answer is yes—or at least probably, based on the fact that you found this blog post.

In fact, I don’t have BPD. I’m just a neurotic writer with depression, anxiety, a touch of bipolar disorder, and some theatrical tendencies. Dialectical behavior therapy helped me, and chances are, it can help you too.

Although DBT was initially developed to treat BPD, therapists have adapted and applied it to help people with other mental health conditions, like substance use disorders, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Is DBT Effective?

Since DBT was first introduced by psychologist Marsha Linehan in the late 80s, hundreds of studies have been conducted on the practice. In this next section, I’ll review a few of the most pertinent DBT studies in plain English, with no medical jargon or superfluous language beyond this point.

DBT and Suicide Prevention Study

This study included 99 participants who had recently attempted suicide. Those participants were separated into two groups, one receiving DBT and the other receiving standard care.

Key findings

• Suicidal behaviors were reduced by 50% in the DBT group.
• The DBT group had a lower rate of suicide attempts (26%) than the treatment-as-usual group (60%).
• The number of participants who engaged in self-harm decreased by 42% in the DBT group compared to the treatment-as-usual group.

DBT as a Treatment for BPD Study

This German study, conducted in 2004, examined the efficacy of dialectical behavior therapy in the treatment of borderline personality disorder. The study involved a sample of 58 patients who were randomly assigned to receive either DBT or treatment as usual (TAU) for a period of 12 months.

Key Findings

Note: All of these stats are relative to the control group.

• The DBT group had a 50% reduction in self-harm and suicide attempts.
• DBT led to a 33% improvement in emotion regulation.
• Interpersonal problems improved by 40% in the DBT group compared to the control group.

DBT for College Students with no History of BPD

In 2019, researchers conducted a study to evaluate the effectiveness of DBT for college students. These students were all experiencing mental health issues but did not have a BPD diagnosis. The 12-week study included 102 participants who were randomly assigned to undergo either DBT or a control treatment.

Key Findings

• Students who received DBT showed a 50% reduction in depression symptoms.
• The DBT group also had a 58% reduction in anxiety symptoms, as well as 43% reduction in suicidal ideation.

These findings suggest that DBT may be an effective treatment option for people experiencing a variety of mental health difficulties .

DBT Systematic Review (1,305 Participants)

This meta-analysis reviewed 24 controlled studies with a total of 1,305 participants. Those participants received DBT for various mental health issues, including borderline personality disorder, eating disorders, and substance use disorders.

The results of the meta-analysis showed that DBT was associated with significant reductions in suicidal and self-harm behaviors. Patients receiving DBT also reported improvements in depression, anxiety, and interpersonal functioning. The effect sizes were moderate to large.

How to Practice DBT

Voluminous books have been written about DBT, and I don’t have the time or space to tell you about every DBT technique. But here are a few of the most effective (and beginner-friendly) DBT practices.

Technique 1 – Mindfulness

Since you’re exploring dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), you’re probably already familiar with the concept of mindfulness. It’s a cornerstone of DBT, and for a good reason.

And its core, mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and aware of your surroundings without judgment. It fosters emotional regulation and can enable you to stay calm in challenging situations.

Three Simple Mindfulness Exercises

1. Mindful Focus (on an object)

This was the first mindfulness exercise my therapist recommended to me.

To begin, pick an object—any object, as long as it doesn’t have words on it.

Next, stare at that object for at least three minutes—preferably five to ten minutes. Carefully examine the object—its texture, color, and anything else that jumps out at you.

During the exercise, observe your thoughts, breathing patterns, and other physical sensations without judgment.

2. Mindful Movement

Mindful movement involves paying attention to your body as you move.

Sounds simple, right?

That’s because it is simple.

You can do this with any type of movement, such as walking, yoga, or even cleaning the house.

As you move, focus on the sensations in your body—the stretch of your muscles, the rhythm of your breath, and the feeling of your feet on the ground. Notice any thoughts that come up without evaluating those thoughts, and then gently redirect your attention back to the movement.

3. Box Breathing

Box breathing is a simple breathing exercise that can help you manage stress and anxiety.

The exercise is done in four-second intervals.

To begin, from a comfortable seated position, count to four as you inhale.

Then hold your breath for four counts.

Then exhale for four counts.

And repeat.

As with all mindfulness exercises, the practice is most effective if you do it for at least five minutes.

Technique 2 – Emotion Regulation

In DBT, there’s a module called Emotion Regulation that can be really helpful for people who struggle with intense feelings and volatile moods. There are dozens of emotional regulation techniques. I’ll share a few of the ones I think are most practical and beginner-friendly.

Self-soothing

Remember the movie Happy Gilmore? If not, congratulations!

But for the rest of you, you may remember the scene where the movie’s title character, played by Adam Sandler, is advised by his mentor Chubs to find his “happy place.”

And that’s what self-soothing is about—finding your happy place.

Think about the sights, sounds, tastes, and aromas that give you pleasure.

And then go out (or stay in) and seek pleasure. But not in a hedonistic way, because that isn’t what the exercise is about.

The beauty of self-soothing techniques is that they can be practiced anywhere, from your own home to public spaces like parks and beaches. To make your surroundings more calming, you might use scented candles or diffusers with essential oils. Alternatively, you might put on relaxing music or wear noise-cancelling headphones to block out distractions.

“You’re too hard on yourself,” is something I’ve heard often in my adult life. Self-soothing practices might be useful to you if, like me, you’ve ever treated yourself like a human trampoline.

You deserve a moment of serenity every now again.

As you construct your happy place, consider all five senses and think about what sights, sounds, scents, tastes, and textures bring you joy and comfort. Whether it’s a cozy nook with soft blankets and candles, a quiet hike in the woods, or simply listening to your favorite music, find what works for you and make self-care a priority.

The Rest Formula

If I’d have known about the REST formula prior to my 2022 breakdown, I don’t think I would’ve lost my best friend. Basically, it’s just a way to slow down and act more rationally when  you’re feeling overwhelmed by a situation or emotion.

Rest stands for Relax, Evaluate, Set an intention, and Take action.

First, relax your muscles.

When we’re stressed or anxious, our bodies often tense up, and our muscles become tight. By intentionally relaxing your muscles through deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or basic mindfulness practices, you can calm your body’s stress response and think more clearly.

Next, evaluate your options.

It’s easy to get stuck in all-or-nothing thinking when you’re feeling overwhelmed. The “evaluate your options” step encourages you to step back and consider multiple possible courses of action. This helps you identify solutions that you may not have otherwise considered.

The third step is to set an intention.

Once you’ve evaluated your options, you set an intention for how you want to proceed. What outcome do you want to achieve? What values do you want to uphold? By setting a clear intention, you focus your energy and efforts in a specific direction.

Finally, take action.

This step is all about putting your intention into action. What steps can you take to move toward your goal? By taking action, you’ll regain a sense of control and agency in a situation that may have felt overwhelming before.

Overall, the REST formula can be a powerful tool to help you navigate moments of distress and make more intentional choices. By intentionally relaxing your muscles, evaluating your options, setting an intention, and taking action, you can approach difficult situations with a greater sense of calm and clarity.

Check the Facts

Have you ever found yourself making assumptions or jumping to conclusions without all the facts? I know I have, and it often leads to unnecessary stress and emotional turmoil. That’s where Check the Facts comes in. The process involves five steps:

1. Observe the situation: Notice what’s happening around you and what triggered your emotional reaction.
2. Describe your emotions: Identify and label the emotions you’re feeling without judgment.
3. Gather evidence: examine what happened in an objective way. Look for evidence that supports or contradicts your thoughts.
4. Evaluate the facts: Are you interpreting the situation accurately, or are you jumping to conclusions? Could there have been a misunderstanding?
5. Choose an effective response: Based on the facts, decide on an effective response that aligns with your values and goals.

For example, if you’re feeling angry because your friend canceled plans with you, you could check the facts by asking yourself if there’s a valid reason for the cancellation. If your friend canceled because of a family emergency, your anger may not be warranted.

Checking the facts will help you avoid overreacting or making assumptions, leading to more effective and rational decision-making.

Technique #3 – Radical Acceptance

So many therapeutic devices sound about as intriguing as a DMV manual. Radical Acceptance, on the other hand, has a lovely ring to it.

The practice incorporates elements of mindfulness, emotional regulation, and other techniques.

If you can practice radical acceptance, you’ve effectively earned a black belt in DBT. So that’s not going to happen for you in the next few days or weeks (just being honest). But because radical acceptance is such a beautiful concept, I feel obliged to tell you a little about it.

Embracing the present moment, even if it’s not what you hoped for or expected, is at the heart of radical acceptance. It means letting go of resistance, judgment, and denial, and instead choosing to respond in a way that’s mindful, compassionate, and empowering.

If you’re interested in eventually earning your black belt in DBT mastering the art of radical acceptance, here are a few tips to get you started.

1. Notice when you’re resisting reality: Pay attention to the thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that arise when you encounter a difficult situation. Are you trying to push it away or deny it? Are you judging yourself or others? When you notice resistance, take a deep breath and acknowledge what’s happening.
2. Practice self-compassion: Radical acceptance involves being kind and gentle with yourself, even when things are hard. Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend who’s struggling.
3. Use mindfulness techniques: Mindfulness helps you stay present and grounded, even when you’re facing difficult emotions. Try focusing on your breath or body sensations, or use a mindfulness app to guide you through a meditation.
4. Take empowered action: Radical acceptance isn’t about giving up or resigning yourself to a bad situation. It’s about recognizing reality and choosing to respond in a way that’s mindful, compassionate, and empowering. Once you’ve accepted a situation, ask yourself what actions you can take to improve it or make the best of it.

10 Benefits of DBT

In case you’ve been skimming the article rather than carefully examining each section, here’s a brief recap of the benefits of DBT.

1. Emotional regulation: DBT can help you identify and manage intense emotions like anger, sadness, and anxiety.
2. Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness enables you to be more present in the moment and less reactive to stressors.
3. Self-awareness: You’ll gain a better understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
4. Acceptance: DBT emphasizes accepting yourself and your situation as they are, rather than fighting against reality.
5. Interpersonal effectiveness: DBT helps you improve your communication skills and develop healthier relationships.
6. Self-compassion: Instead of being hard on yourself for mistakes or setbacks, you’ll learn how to treat yourself as you would treat someone you care about, with support and encouragement.
7. Distress Tolerance: DBT offers you a roadmap to overcoming adversity and developing resilience.
8. Enhanced creativity: By learning to regulate your emotions and improve your focus, DBT can help you unlock your creativity and better express yourself.
9. Increased sense of purpose: With DBT, you’ll develop a greater sense of meaning and purpose in your life.
10. Improved overall well-being: By working on these skills, you may find that your overall sense of well-being improves, leading to a happier and more fulfilling life.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy – Summary

1. DBT is a therapy that helps people manage their emotions and build effective coping mechanisms.
2. Originally developed to treat borderline personality disorder, DBT has also demonstrated effectiveness as a treatment for a range of mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders.
3. DBT is based on the concept of dialectics–the idea that two opposing ideas can both be true at the same time. In clinical settings, practitioners work with clients to accept and validate their experiences and emotions while also challenging them to make positive changes in their behavior.
4. DBT techniques include mindfulness, emotional regulation, and radical acceptance.
5. Mindfulness helps you be present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the moment.
6. Three beginner-friendly mindfulness exercises include mindful focus, movement, and breathing.
7. Emotional regulation allows you to communicate more effectively with people and manage your emotions when you feel stressed or overwhelmed.
8. Three beginner-friendly emotion regulation techniques include self-soothing, checking the facts, and the REST formula (Relax, Evaluate, Set an Intention, Take Action).

Further Reading

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets 

Written by Marsha M. Linehan, who created DBT in the late 80s, this book is a comprehensive guide to DBT skills, including mindfulness, emotion regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and distress tolerance.

It provides handouts and worksheets that can be used for individual therapy, group therapy, and self-help. This book has a 4.8/5 rating on Amazon with over 4,500 reviews.

The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation & Distress Tolerance

I purchased this book after my breakdown in 2022, mentioned earlier. It also includes exercises and worksheets to help readers apply the skills in their daily lives. I’ve personally completed many of those exercises. This book has a 4.6/5 rating on Amazon with over 3,000 reviews.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy – Conclusion

With a focus on mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness, DBT offers practical tools and techniques that can help you manage difficult emotions and build healthier relationships.

Dozens of randomized and controlled studies have demonstrated the efficacy of DBT, particularly for individuals with borderline personality disorder, but also for those with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other conditions.

If you or a loved one is struggling with a mental health issue, consider speaking with a qualified mental health professional about whether DBT may be a possible solution.

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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The post Dialectical Behavior Therapy – A Proven Therapy for Drama Queens (Like Me) appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

There was still a lot of dead space during our meetings.

And that dead space made me uncomfortable.

I would typically talk for the first 10 to 15 minutes, then she’d ask me a few questions. Or not…

Then I’d just keep talking.

She seldom interjected with anecdotes about people she knew or former patients that might have been relevant or useful to me. And I knew absolutely nothing about her, her background, or her beliefs.

Actually, that’s a lie. I looked her up online and found her professional profile, which stated that she offered Christian counseling to people of faith.

If I’d have seen that profile prior to our first session, I would have swiped left on Shannon as a therapist—not because I have anything against religious people, but because, well, I’d prefer to have a therapist who believes in the separation of church and therapy.

But I’d been making progress with Shannon’s help, and I was committed to improving myself, personally and professionally. Shannon seemed engaged and professional and very…nice. I wasn’t going to hold her religious background/philosophies against her.

And she asked enough thoughtful questions to keep our sessions from stalling out completely (most of the time). In fact, Shannon’s relative silence during our weekly meetings led to my first important discovery in therapy.

Breakthrough 1 – “You Need to Talk”

That was a quote from Shannon toward the end of our second session. I’d just recounted a story about a character in my book, Love Songs and Suicide, and told her about the friend I’d lost in the aftermath of my breakdown, which I discussed in my first therapy post.

Shannon was absolutely right.

I really had no one I felt comfortable sharing my innermost feelings and thoughts with.

And although she was quiet and not the type of person I would’ve been likely to befriend or associate with in the real world, Shannon seemed to care about me in her own way, and I think she wanted to see me get better.

It was helpful to explore my past, feelings, and beliefs in therapy, with Sharron serving as my quiet but compassionate guide/sounding board. By the end of our sessions, just through talking, I often gained helpful insights on my own psyche and determined what tasks I needed to prioritize that week. With an assist from Shannon, I had another breakthrough moment during my third therapy session.

Breakthrough 2 — Stop focusing so Much on Diagnoses

Early on in therapy, I spent a lot of time fixating on my potential malfunctions.

I knew I had depression and social anxiety disorder.

But there were other malfunctions, and I felt as though I was missing some critical component in my mental health profile.

Was I bipolar?

Probably, at least mildly.

I had a chapter called “The Bipolar Express” in my book, after all.

Did I have borderline personality disorder?

Ultimately, I concluded that Dr. Samuelson, my fired shrink, was correct in her analysis that I did not suffer from BPD.

But was there some other disorder I was missing…

And maybe that disorder wasn’t so important.

Rather than focusing on what was wrong with me, I needed to focus more on improving myself.

Breakthrough 3 — Stop Labeling Thyself

The Danish philosopher (and first existentialist) Soren Kierkegaard once said, “Once you label me, you negate me.”

Broke, miserable, and alone was a refrain I uttered frequently during my first handful of meetings with Shannon.

I’d assigned those horrible labels to myself and believed they defined me in a way. As a result, I lost my sense of self-control and ability to determine my own fate.

Although I was indeed broke, miserable, and alone, I had to stop fixating on these three words and view them as temporary conditions rather than essential components of my identity.

Breakthrough 4 — Anxiety Comes Before Depression

Depression had always been a bigger issue for me on a day-to-day basis than anxiety.

But my psychiatrist, Dr. Gillis, was correct when she said anxiety was the driving force behind my mental health struggles.

And knowledge is power. With that information, and with Dr. Gillis’s help, I could more effectively manage both my depression and anxiety. Dr. Gillis and I agreed that from a medication standpoint, we should focus more on the anxiety than the depression.

I had the two antianxiety treatments available to me—buspirone and hydroxyzine—and my anxiety symptoms had improved since beginning therapy.

Breakthrough 5 — I Need to Expand My Two-Inch-Wide Comfort Zone

Okay, for over 20 years, I’ve known on some level that I needed to expand my minuscule comfort zone.

But when Shannon challenged me to start conversations with two strangers and I practically had a panic attack, I realized my social anxiety had a controlling and devastating effect on nearly every aspect of my life.

To manage the condition, I needed to intentionally place myself in uncomfortable situations—and often.

The good news is, basically everything makes me uncomfortable. I despise talking with strangers, interacting with people on social media, chatting up women on dating apps, phone calls, asking for help, and on and on and on. But moving forward, I had to regularly expose myself to uncomfortable situations and discussions if I wanted to grow as a person and eventually have a wife or a chef (as was a goal I stated in my book).

Wellbutrin Was a No-Go and Closing Thoughts

Unfortunately, I had an embarrassing side effect with the Wellbutrin and had to stop using the medication. I don’t feel like discussing that side effect here. Maybe later.

The therapy has been beneficial for me so far, and I’m grateful to both Shannon and Dr. Gillis for their insights and support.

Of course, I think I deserve a little credit too. I’m ready and willing to change (I know I need to change, in fact) and I think that’s probably the main reason I’ve enjoyed some successes during this early stage of therapy. Hopefully I can continue to grow and make progress over the coming weeks and months, with help from my dedicated team of mental health professionals.

Next: Therapy Journal 9 – “Two Cancelled Sessions (and the Sad Reason Why)

Previous: Therapy Journal 7 – “All About Dating”

Go to the Beginning: Journal 1 – “Broke, Miserable, and Alone”

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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The post Five Breakthrough Moments – Therapy Journal #8 appeared first on Lovesong.Blog - Harmonize Your Life.

Looking away from my new digital shrink, I paused to reflect on her question and then said, “I’ve been broke, miserable, and alone for most of my life. If I could just fix one of those three things—and be a little less broke, miserable, or alone—that’d be amazing.”

Before I talk about my early experiences in therapy, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about my psychological background.

Mother, Interrupted

My mother struggled with severe mental illness through most of her adult life. I always knew that she probably wouldn’t live for very long, mainly because she was honest with me and told me so.

I recall discussing suicide and the unfortunate reality that she might die by suicide with her on several occasions. “You need to realize that that’s a possibility,” she warned me. “But you also need to know that if it happens, it won’t be because of you.”

My mom died of a prescription drug overdose in 2001, just a few weeks before 9/11. I was 16 at the time. Other suicide attempts and gestures had preceded her death.

So yeah, I knew my mom was doomed from an early age. That was hard, and her death is something I won’t ever heal from completely.

In my book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy, I write extensively about my mother’s life and death.

Panic in the Cafeteria

At age 12 I developed a severe case of social anxiety disorder. I didn’t know what the condition was at the time. All I knew was that I felt as though I was going to have a heart attack every time I entered the school cafeteria.

Then I lost all my friends, became isolated, and developed the worst case of acne in King County (Washington).

Remember the show Freaks and Geeks? If not, you’re probably at least familiar with the concept.

Well, that show seemed glamorized to me as a social pariah.

At least the main characters in that show had a tribe.

I had nobody.

“Our Scars Remind Us that the Past is Real”

-Cormac McCarthy (via Papa Roach)

The acne left a lot of marks all over my face and body. They’ve mostly faded with time, but I still feel like “the zit kid,” my old nickname, in some ways even today, 20-plus years later.

I remember feeling disgusting.

And people around generally agreed, it seemed, that I was indeed disgusting.

A Clueless, Unhappy, Unsuccessful Bachelor

For the better part of my adulthood, I’ve been single and struggled to cover my basic expenses. I’ve always worked. But because I have an avoidant personality disorder, which is similar to social anxiety disorder but with more severe symptoms, I’ve gravitated toward low-paying remote jobs with minimal responsibilities that require little to no interaction with other people.

I was a low-rent copywriter for five years and wrote copy on websites for every type of business, from doctors and lawyers to painters and plumbers.

It was a high-skill job.

And the websites were expensive, yet I earned $14 per hour for my efforts as a writer.

My latest editing job also offers low wages for high-skill work.

Most writing and editing jobs that pay reasonable wages require extensive interaction with clients.

And I’ve despised interacting with clients.

My fear of rejection has limited me.

It’s crippled me, actually.

My First Book

I spent a year and a half writing my debut memoir. During that process I sifted through 25 years’ worth of trauma and damage in isolation.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

The book is about my mom, mental health struggles, background in songwriting, travels across the United States, experiences at the one and only “real” job I’ve had in my life, and more.

Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy is often hilarious despite its heavy title.

Description below.

After losing his day job as an editor, songwriter Robert Horton accepts a minimum-wage security position at a rural hospital. There, he faces off with volatile psych patients and occasionally questions his own sanity. He also meets and befriends Amelia, the beautiful and nomadic nurse who inspires him to travel, write new music, and exacerbates his alcoholism.

Horton later embarks on three cross-country road trips, traversing the Oregon Coast, seventeen other states, and New Orleans. On his “Bipolar Express” tour of the American Southwest, he visits five national parks in six days, navigates a flash flood, and often daydreams about Amelia.

Despite its heavy title, Love Songs and Suicide features hilarious anecdotes in nearly every chapter. Horton reports on his observations as a security guard, detailing his interactions with a motley crew of meth heads and certifiable lunatics. He recounts vomiting on the actress Sigourney Weaver’s mother. Other stories involve a deaf ex-professional breakdancer from the Philippines, “The Worst Wingman Ever,” and a double-dog dare at the Grand Canyon.

Told with the kind of honesty that will make readers cringe in both horror and delight, Horton delivers poignant reflections on depression, anxiety, and grief. The book is also a heartfelt love letter, dedicated to heroic healthcare workers everywhere. It contains four parts.

1. Hangovers Upon Hangovers
2. The Security Section
3. Travels, Tribulations, and a Plague
4. Hang Gliding Naked in the Himalayas

You’re welcome to come along for the ride. And unless you’re on a plane or out in public, pants are optional. Access to the book’s soundtrack is included with your purchase (details inside).

A Breakdown

When I finished writing the book, I went into a severe depression. The prospect of promoting it and/or trying to pitch it to agents overwhelmed me.

Nearly 100 percent of books sell fewer than 50 copies.

I had no reason to believe mine would reach a broad audience–or anyone at all, for that matter. I wasn’t sleeping. As I wrote the book, I accrued a significant amount of debt. The project was a total obsession, and I effectively relied on my mental health disorders to carry me across the finish line.

Also, I took out my frustrations on my best friend and subsequently lost her.

To the Couch (Wrapping It Up)

Yeah, so these were the events that led me to therapy.

• Trauma from my childhood
• My mother’s death by suicide
• Body image and self-esteem issues leftover from my adolescence
• A postpartum depression of sorts after completing my book
• Losing a good friend

In 2022, I switched insurances and finally had access to reasonably priced psychiatric care and sought help. And I’ll be talking more about my experiences in therapy over the coming weeks and months.

Next: Therapy Journal 2 – “A Happiness Prescription”

R. Ross Horton II

R. Ross Horton is a writer, editor, and musician based in Palm Coast, FL. Last year he published his first book, Love Songs and Suicide: A Travel Memoir, Romance, and Tragic Musical Comedy. At Lovesong.blog, Ross strives to help people find harmony in a chaotic world. Visit this website’s about page to learn more.

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